I wouldn’t know until I was way into adulthood, but ADHD has ruled my life since I can remember.
As a child, I was always looked at as annoying, the class clown, the one who just won’t stop talking.
This has continued into my adult life.
It wasn’t until a couple of years ago that I wondered if there was something different about me. Why am I so odd compared to my peers, why do I stand out among all my friends and others around me?
Why am I such a burden?
This is a little insight into my thoughts. Real and open. Will I regret posting this? Probably.
My brain is at a constant 100mph speed with hundreds of different thoughts. There is never a break, ever. It’s like a firework display of situations, projects, distractions.
I can sit in complete silence and be overwhelmed by how loud it is.
I know I’m annoying, and I know how aggravating I am as I jump into conversations, change subjects and talk over others.
However I promise I’d can’t help it. I am so easily distracted, and I simply cannot keep the calm front for long. Behind that face of ‘calm’, I am screaming! My brain is jumping and I being driven crazy but you can’t always see it.
People take a dislike to me very often, and I know it. I can see if even if they pretend, they’re just tolerating me to pass the time.
So, I do a lot of research and try to find out what’s ‘wrong’ with me. There it is… ADHD.
Back when I was little, I’d never heard of this, I’d be more known as the trouble child, the one who just breaks the rules for the fun of it. Thankfully these days it’s more seen, diagnosed and noticed earlier on.
Always doing something wrong, always with the useless feeling and wanting to be noticed just so you can show people you’re doing something right. A point to prove that you’re not as useless as people believe.
I have a close circle of friends, and let me tell you, I want to thank them almost daily just for being my friend. Do you know how sad that is? From my point of view of myself, it’s quite pathetic. I mean, who should thank someone for being their friend? I think it’s because of my ‘wild’ self.
I must say, I’m actually having a very difficult day with it, and my anxiety is insanely high. Homeschooling my boys while having ADHD is completely overwhelming, maybe more so than without it I’d say. Although I know no different.
You may notice I’m not very on track here. I find writing blogs so difficult as I’ll bounce from subject to subject. I have tried super hard here, and I feel like hopefully it’s going well.
So, roll into adulthood and I have three wonderful little boys, 10, 8 and 5.
Patience isn’t something I have much of, so having three boisterous sons? I’m certainly put through my paces.
I can see in one of my children, my 10 year old that he has the very same traits as me.
Trouble multitasking, problems prioritising. We are impulsive, excessive restlessness. We both have a hot temper and real trouble coping with stress.
Focusing on a task is almost impossible, for myself I notice more so. He has a little more focus than I do but I can see myself in him, a carbon copy.
Remember things is a luxury, and one I rarely enjoy. My memory is majorly lacking which proves extremely frustrating to myself and I’m sure my Husband too.
Hyper and so easily distracted, it’s stupid how much I even drive myself mad.
Im so easily overwhelmed, even just by going into the local shop. It feels like the entire shop is looking at me and I can’t even properly explain what goes through my head. It’s seriously annoying though.
For example just joining a Zoom call with friends for a Friday night of drinks and games. I am watching everyone enjoy themselves yet I’m there’s worrying about everything I say, my facial expressions and knowing I am clearly going to be the call clown. It’s draining, and although my friends accept me for the way I am, I am more than aware how hard it is to keep a conversation with me when I continuously jump into conversations, change subject and my loudness. I am more than aware of what I’m doing but I simply find it really difficult to stop myself.
Psst, while I’m here I’d love to show you this amazing TikTok account I found >>> @ADHDwithme
It’s like being a child, waiting your turn is extremely hard. You try and know you have to, but actually doing it? Tough and you pass it on as a joke to try and avoid the embarrassment.
However, it has an awesome side. The fun side. I am impulsive (which can be taken both ways to be honest), I’m more often than not, up to doing something super exciting. I’ll be the friend that if I am able, I’ll be there for you. Being the clown can work out well too, as exhausting as it is.
One more thing, I’ve found I come with an insanely addictive nature. An obsessive nature with certain projects, foods etc. But they’re so very short lived. That is, apart from Dinky Days. I am full of such fire in my belly, determination and thankfully its an addiction that hasn’t stopped for 8 years so far. Alot thanks to all of my incredible clients. Thank you!
This is the first time I’be openly spoken about myself and ADHD truly.
I’ll end this here for now, but hopefully one day I can return to the subject.
If you are similar to me, then hello!
There are so many of us Mamas out here with ADHD. Diagnosed or not, you know full well if you have it when you research.
I’m sure I have a lot more to say, but my scatty self and awful memory is putting a stop to that right now.
If you made it through this blog, congratulations! The anxiety that people will read this and roll their eyes are me is unreal.